Call me Snooki

Along the lines of my last post, I launched into a new beauty endeavor: spray tanning.  I strongly dislike the idea of tanning beds. They remind me of cancer and ring worms.  I know people who bake and love it, and I'm all high-five-good-for-you.  But for me?  I'd rather spray it on me with chemicals. (Since, Hello, I obviously don't have time to lay out in the DC sun).

Sidenote: I'm becoming insanely high-maintenance and love it.

My personal trainer (see above: high maintenance) told me about spray tanning as a solution to my pale problem, as she gets airbrushed before body building competitions.  As she shared more about it I listened eagerly to everything but the buck-nekkid part.  I'm not one to strip down in front of strangers, even in public locker rooms.

As fate would have it, a Groupon for the tanning salon near my house popped up the next day.
And I bought it.

When I called up to make my appointment, the lovely receptionist said, like, that I needed to prepare, like, for the treatment, and that like, I should come in after, like, I had shaved, waxed, exfoliated, showered, with no lotion application, like 8 hours prior.

Obviously I needed time to prepare.

Now here's when I share my stupid mistake with you: pumice stones are not for body exfoliation.
Let that sink in.
Moving on.


I made my appointment for Friday after work, brought with me dark cotton clothes for post spray-down, and swallowed my naked pride.

Upon showing up & reading over paperwork I noticed the area that said the spray-tanner needed to wear a dark old bikini or dark cotton underwear during the experience.  But no, no that couldn't be. My panic set in as I thought you're supposed to be naked.  I didn't bring any of the above suggested materials.  Whats more the underwear I did wear that day were not only my favorite grey pair, but I was not about to sacrifice them to the spray tan.  And my favorite bra? nuh-uh.

Awkwardly I asked the receptionist if other tanners went naked.  And did she mind if they did that?
Was I about to be the ballsy one who pushed boundaries and striped down to where no other tanner went before?

Thank G-d she, like, said, like they only prefer that the, like, men wear something.
Whew.  All of a sudden I was happy to be going naked.

To fast forward through the mildly awkward airbrushing naked experience, the woman was very professional and I didn't even mind when she asked me about my tatoo (on my bum).  We made small talk and all was fine.
I was oddly proud.
and orange.

The lady, like, swore, that my skin would absorb the color and most of the orange would wash off during my next shower.  But! No showering or sweating or anything moisturizing for 8 to 16 hours.
That night I looked like Snooki.

I was also scared for my hair and makeup trial the next day.  I thought for sure I had done something utterly stupid.  Thankfully most of the orange and dark weirdness did wash off in the morning.

But I did learn that you must liberally apply the anti-stick cream to places you don't want orange creases.  Like my ankles, and my wrists, and ankles.


Overall the experience was non-intrusive, pleasant, and clean.  The results are good, but definitely nothing natural by any means.  However there were no reactions that made me think I looked scary.  Either that or they're being nice. Mike did say that he "supports me but doesn't think [I] need to do it again."  That's his way of saying he could do with out it.

Before the wedding when I plan to do this one more time, I know to buy exfoliation cream & lather up on my ankles and wrists.

Do you or have you spray tanned?