Tuesday, January 18, 2011

An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Vicki,

Hi, Darling.  I hear the wedding planning is coming along.  You and Mike work together as a great team, when you remember to tell him things and not try to take on everything by yourself.  I know we're really excited about the sessions with personal trainers and getting those arms in shape.  Things are really starting to shape up and honestly you are starting to loose it, and not pounds.  Enough of the small talk.  I staged an intervention. I brought along myself (you) and all your readers and lurkers (the non-commenting readers) and we're here today to tell you to breathe.

See, I noticed recently that you're doing that thing you do, ya know - get all worked up when you can't control a situation.  In trying to defy gravity you forget anxiety will come knocking down your walls if you continue to establish huge expectations.  Do you really think that on June 19th everything will smoothly play out? While I can tell you are desperately trying now to do everything in your power to make sure it will, you are building up those expectations to the point where no one can avoid dashing them.  The planning is all well and good.  The over planning and perfection seeking is not.

If you allow yourself to rev-up 5 months out, what will your status be in June?

Listen to Kathryn, who recognizes this behavior creeping in has no place in your heart. Take a breath.  Your yoga practice goes far beyond the studio practice space.

If you must be such a damn realist who tries to prepare for the worst, remember your wedding day will still happen regardless of the weather, the decor layout, or even family feuds.  Listen to Joey, she told you about her ice sculpture with the wrong monogram on her wedding day.  She still had fun and others had fun.
Some things are inevitable and they don't shut down the show.

If you continue to persist like this, well shut. the. front. door.  I'm not having it anymore.
Listen to Shana, who said the time passes so quickly, to savor every moment.  A negative attitude with a Nervous-Nelly clouds all possibility of enjoying this time.

You are a strong, beautiful woman who will shine no matter what your hair, nails, or arm flab look like on your wedding day.

You are creative, smart, and capable of accepting.  Everything will look lovely because weddings are like that, and everyone will have a good time celebrating.

You are young, in love, and excited.  Remember the point of all this and remember Mike's love for you.

Now, listen to yourself and not to any nonsensical fears.  Don't allow nonproductive thoughts (including David Tuttera and his seemingly perfect wedding show) get to you.   Dust yourself off, put on your big-girl panties, and blast the Glee Soundtrack, or whatever bad music you're currently listening to, and repeat after me:
I. Am. Enough.

Yours (literally),
Victoria Ann Elizabeth

PS: Stop faking. Start believing yourself.


  1. You're in limbo right now. That weird stage of wedding planning where you have most of the big stuff out of the way, but there's the whole pile of small stuff left that it's really too early to do anything about.

    I get the panicking! You want to make sure everything is done and done right. And that list of small things is KILLING you because it's growing by the minute and it seems as though you are never crossing anything off.

    But I promise you this: the list will get done. Also, things WILL go wrong with your wedding. Remember my story about the DJ? But on the day of, you will suddenly become calm and cool. You will remember WHY you are there in the first place. And it will be the best day of your life :)

  2. Girl, I tried to plan every single detail too. I do believe that insanely good prep will help the day go smoothly but trust me... the ice sculpture wasn't the only thing that will happen.

    For instance, pictures took a little long which mean the room took a bit long to flip which meant behind in the timeline. SO we just improvised and people gave their speeches during dinner. Totally worked out great, except that we forgot to tell the wait staff which meant no champagne! Luckily, open bar meant everyone had a drink and *I* didn't even notice because I was too busy trying to keep from crying when my dad spoke because I didn't want to ruin my AWESOME makeup :).

    OR how when it was time to cut the cake my groom was nowhere to be found because he was too busy busting the balls of one of his groomsmen who drew penises (peni??) on our truck. SO my cousin stepped up and posed for some hilarious pictures to lighten the mood before Clint was found.

    I don't say these things to give you a heart attack- I say them to let you know if *I* (Queen of Drama, OCD and FREAKING OUT) could go with the flow to all of this, I promise you can too.

    You will be so zen on your wedding day that it will freak other people out. Everyone was expecting me to be bridezilla and I just soaked in every moment and didn't stress about anything. It was the best day and my wedding is one of the few special events I can look back on in my life and know that I actually enjoyed every moment of it!


    Vicki, this was an amazing, inspirational, and very brave post.

    Listen to yourself, your heart knows what you need.

    <3 xxoo

  4. Oh my dear Vicki,
    Your wedding is going to be super fantastic, so please listen to your wise self and take a breath, maybe even dare I say it take a break. Plan a non-wedding thinking/planning weekend for you and Mike to relax and do NOTHING wedding related.
    I completely understand this little roller coaster of trying to get everything perfect for your perfect day. But the mantra I've been repeating to myself is "at the end of the day, the Boy and I will be married and everyone we love will be in one room to celebrate it. That's all that matters." If the food sucks, the cake flops, the DJ belongs at a retirement party instead of a wedding, someone forgets to put out the name tags that you've poured your sweat and tears into... well - you'll still be married to the one you love and you'll have a story to tell at the end of the day.
    Take care of yourself!

  5. You're awesome. That's all I have to add.

  6. I second that, Mike! I actually got a little choked up reading this entry. We all love you so much and just want the best for you! Now here's to enjoying the final months of wedding festivities!!!! XOXOXOXO

  7. What a great idea!! It's so awesome that you can take a minute and tell YOURSELF to chill out! That's a fabulous quality girl!!
    From here it looks like you are totally on top of things! So enjoy the ride!!! When it stops being fun, get off, and take a break! Then, refreshed... get back on and keep going! :)
    Oh.. and P.S. when I have my freak out at some point, soon probably, feel free to remind ME of this also!!! ;)

  8. I need to write a little like this to myself, minus the wedding stuff, and more of the self confidence boosting.

    Stop to appreciate the little things every once in a while, it's really a breath of fresh air.


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