Separation of Self and Me

I have an amazing career which allows me to be two people at once.
I can be myself while doing my job; I can be myself while at home.  But who I am in my personal life differs only slightly from the persona I capture while working. Still, there is a separation.

I teach.
Precious, young children are trusted into my care for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week.

I am a normal person.
When I don't bring my work home, I like to practice yoga, take pictures, shop, go to happy hours with friends, bbq and sometimes even run for fun (and I love mac n' cheese).

Like separation of church and state, I am the separation of instructor and someone-trying-to-live-a-normal-life. 

As Mrs. S, I more patiently listen to my client's needs than I sometimes do to my husband's fantasy football stories.  Mrs. S also gets serious and down to business faster than Vicki.  Vicki tends to allow piles to accumulate at home, while Mrs. S attempts to keep up with the grading and filing at a much faster pace. 


I love working in a profession where I can really keep my personal life private, other than to my coworkers and what I choose to share with my students.   It is very compartmentalized, neat & tidy, and I like that. The parents and students are more like clients, and sometimes I don't always want them get to know the real me.  I have an image to uphold as a role model, which I take seriously.  Less is more.
(sidenote: not that there is anything about the real me which would cause anyone to think twice)

I honestly feel like this blog was a part of me, as Vicki.  
And it still is, to an extent.

I know and understand that everything I write on this blog is public.
I accept that every time I hit the "publish post" button.


I thought it went without saying this is/was my Vicki-space.
I never write about what happens in the workplace (as no lawyer, doctor, or nanny would do, without first consulting their client).  I have no reason to write about the workplace, as this is a blog about Vicki, not Mrs. S.  Yes, Vicki plays into Mrs. S, but Mrs. S does not play into Vicki.


So when I heard through the grapevine that parents of students I teach/taught read this blog & was able to back that up with my Google Analytic results for visits to this site?  I was honestly heartbroken, defensive, mad, sad, and then proud.

Perhaps to anyone who clicks through this blog (and some local "researchers" did 10+ posts-worth) comes away thinking, "Gee, that Vicki girl sure is neat."    
I hope they walk away smiling and laughing. 
(Not, "Gee, that Vicki girl sure is boring.")


But do you really need to know what outfits the teacher of your student wears on Saturdays? Or recipes she favors? or that her husband spoils her?  Does that make her a better teacher?
Because the girl in this blog is not Mrs. S -- It's Vicki.
And she'd kindly like her public, yet personal, space back.


Yes, the 2nd/3rd person writing has thoroughly confused me.
CrowndVic, out.

Summer's End

Simply writing that title makes me want to sleep in an extra hour tomorrow.

I feel like a toddler about to throw a class A tantrum.
I. Don't. WANNA. go. back. to. school.

I love my summers off.  I work hard during the year and earned this break!

This summer, in particular, allowed me some of the best relaxation, celebration, and libations.  Best of all, Mike enjoyed the same time off.  Together we tackled this wedding planning and enjoyed each others' company.

-I welcomed my newest niece, spent the most time with my sister since she went off to college, and played with my eldest niece.

-I relaxed, drank too much beer, and then swore I'd ease up on the drinks.

-I planned a quarter of my wedding, took photography breaks, and blogged my heart out.

-I caught up with Meagan, shopped for bridesmaids dresses with my girls, and laughed to 'til I cried.

Looking back at my Summer Bucket List that I wrote at the beginning of summer, I did "alright."
From my list, I managed to:
-sit by the pool (albiet the baby pool, but it counts)
-hire a wedding band
-got a new cell phone
-helped with the arrival of my newest niece
-played with playdoh (with my cute, cute niece)
-met up with friends for drinks (more than once)
-went to the super, dog water park
-stayed in PJs all day
-photog'd the neighbor's babe
-finished not one, but 4 books (Ok, so what if it was the Twilight Saga?)
-went to not one, but 2 doc appts
-made No Pudge Fudge brownies
-relaxed


I'll neglect to mention what did not get done :)

As I go back to work, I compare this time to Santa Claus preparing for his Christmas rush.  A teacher in their classroom before the school year begins is a real sight to see.   I suspect that my blogging might take a hiatus at this time, because I will have little-to-no-time to even think about my wedding.
Soon I will welcome lovely guest bloggers sharing about their wedding mishaps.  There are some crazy, yet inspiring, things these women went through on their wedding day!
Thank you, ladies, for helping out a bloggy friend!  (This iwll begin the day the kids come back to the classrooms, Aug 23.  Teachers go back on the 16th. Monday. boo.)


Stupid last Friday of summer vacation.
Cheers!

{All photos taken by Yours Truly, Me}

Summer Bucket List

Today is the first day of my summer vacation, also known as June (well, some of it), July and August (again, part of it).  My friends give me a lot of grief about my summers off as a teacher.  But let me tell you this friends, it is WELL earned! (I'll save that rant for another time).

However, I'm up early on my first day off to attend a hiring fair.  As part of my school duties, I'm a member of the personnel committee and we have one more vacancy to fill before summer is through.

At any rate, these are my hopes and dreams for my summer:

My Summer Bucket List:
1.  sit by the pool at some point
2.  catch up on scrapbooking (at least one year's worth)
3.  do 20 sit-ups and 10 push-ups a day
4.  hire a wedding band
5.  hire a wedding photographer
6.  hire a wedding videographer
7.  send out paper Save the Dates to invitee list
8. GET A NEW CELL PHONE
9.  participate in my yoga studio's summer challenge (pratice 3x a week for July - Aug)
10.  Help my sister and her family with the arrival of #2
11.  play with playdoh
12.  meet up with friends for drinks
13.  take my dog to the "water park"
14.  stay in my PJ's for an entire day
15.  photograph the neighbor's baby (ya'll are on here now, we HAVE to make it happen :) )
16.  start and finish a book, any book
17.  go to my doctor(s) b/c taking care of yourself is healthy
18.  make brownies
19.  think about dieting (wedding dress slim down)
20.  RELAX.

What are your goals for the summer?

My Stress-Meter

There's a sure-fire way to tell how under-pressure I am.  But gimmie a sec to explain...

The end of the school year is drawing near, and although my fiancee makes fun of me because I'm stressed (among many things) about writing thank-you notes to 20 kids (honestly, writing thank you notes for a kick-butt present is a good stress), I am ON THE FENCE of sanity, currently.  There are report cards to stuff and ready, cum folders to sign and refile, bulletin boards to dismantle with every single staple to pluck out, desks to unclutter and clean, MY DESK to find again, laptop files to recover (my OS just failed), RoomMom presents to create and present, student gifts to create and distribute, class lists to assemble for the following fall, supply lists to assemble for next fall, AGH NEXT FALL?!

And let's not forget that due to snowdays DCPS canceled our last round of Parent-Teacher Conferences which roughly translates into: many parents want to meet with me before our last day of school to talk about progress and next year...all before Tuesday.  And I already have meeting scheduled for every day.

Not to mention the kids - I'm still responsible for teaching/entertaining/wrapping up the year for 20 students whom after 9 months together I've come to individually know and adore.
I will miss them all so much.
After a year of positive growth and learning, saying goodbye is so hard.
I cry every year.

So here's my Stress-Meter: My Wardrobe.
You can judge how stressed I am by the amount of clothes strung upon it, instead of carefully hung up, after long days' work. 

Current Stress Level:  Piled High, Heaping

What tell-tale signs show your stress levels?

Teacher Fail

When I'm not busying planning my wedding, scouring the internet, and blogging, you can find me in my classroom.  I teach 2nd grade at a lovely elementary school.  I love this age group (7 & 8 yr-olds) and their honesty.  This year, the gods were with me and I am lucky to have 20 greats students.  Twenty precious, mold-able, young minds.
And I'm about to crush their spirits because of my teacher fail.

I feel horrible.

Every year at this school I order fertilized duck eggs, place them in the incubator, and wait 28 days for our babies to hatch.  During the incubation period we learn a lot about life cycles, eggs in general, and tons of info about ducks.  Each year this activity intrinsically rewards me: it fills me with joy to see tiny baby ducks use all their might to come into this world,  my students adore these little ones and show such tenderness, I am reminded of how sweet the world can be, I see life bloom and grow before my eyes and in my students.
But not this year.

I ordered a new incubator, hoping for better results and an easier process. 
This new contraption fooled me, confused me.  The thermometer consistently read too high, but adjusting the factory settings to lower the temperature seemed futile.  I left the top of the incubator ajar to adjust the temperature myself.  I added water to maintain humidity and candled the eggs.  The light showed the ducks were growing! I thought maybe, just maybe, four or five ducklings will make it!

On Wednesday I removed the automatic egg turner, as scheduled three days before hatch.  The delicate eggs felt heavier in my hand, a positive sign.  I reached deep into my soul and hoped to hear a little peep in a few days time.  Before I replaced the lid, I noticed something devastating: blood stain inside one egg.  Death.  I took a deep breath and recalled, just like I teach the children, the circle of life does not always complete a full rotation.  I left the egg incase I was mistaken.

On Friday, I packed up the incubator to take it home.  The eggs' hatch date was Saturday, but every year they hatch 2 days early.  Such ominous feelings consumed me during this entire process that I decided the responsibility fell on me to take the eggs to my house, not allow a family to watch them and call when if the ducks arrived.

Saturday morning I woke up at 6am, thinking I heard peeps.  I laid in bed and listened, trying to decipher if the sound came from outside my window or in the bathroom where I kept the incubator safe from our pets.  In getting up every step felt like a decision: do I check for ducklings and find nothing or maybe something, or turn back and try to sleep and hope they hatch?  I pushed the handle of the bathroom door open.
Nothing.  The eggs looked the same, except more eggs show blood stains.
Cursing myself for doing whatever it was I did wrong, I tried to go back to sleep.
I woke up 3 more times to find nothing, before giving into the day.

I write this at 8:30pm on Saturday, knowing exactly what I don't want to write.
Changing between verb tenses but honestly too upset to care.
Monday will be a tough day in the classroom explaining to twenty-eager students who monitored every day of the hatch countdown, so excited to name the ducklings, who know random facts about Mallards for no good reason, that there will be no ducklings this year.

Not only do I face their reactions, but my own.  I took 14 eggs away from their mother, to be their own mother.  I challenged G-d to do it myself, and it serves me right.
I need to leave nature to nature.
This will be the last year I attempt to hatch ducklings.  While the rewards are great, the burden of death is too much.
I'm sorry kids, but this year we won't have ducklings.
Massive Teacher Fail.