Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mother/Daughter Revelation-ships

It started young, as it usually does with a mother-daughter relationships.

My mom imposed her healthy habits on us, never having too much sugar in the house and always pushing encouraging vitamins.  The well rounded meals she cooked were never too heavy on the starches, and rice-a-roni was a rare treat.  And Lucky Charms or Entiments's Cheese Crumb Coffee Cake? The most prized treat in the pantry!

But as I grew up, and continued to take those vitamins, we butted-heads like two rams on a high cliff.  My teenage years, riddled with emotions, caused much strife between my mom and me.  The only things we had in common anymore was shopping.  (Which obviously is not a bad thing to share, unless you argue about the clothes).

Moving away to college allowed me my freedom I strove to obtain, and a break from vitamins. I started to realize I needed my mom more than I wanted to admit.  However recently, with wedding planning, I've found my mom's support to be the utmost calming factor.   Only recently can I accept that she means well, wants the best for me, and strives to support me, amidst all the emotions. 

I know many of my mommy-friends say having their children allowed them to see their mom as she always wanted to be seen.  I can imagine that precious moment when you as a daughter-now-mother, strive to be that mother your mom was to you. 

Yesterday, as I struggled with a particular moment on the roller coaster of emotions from wedding planning, I called my mom.  I simply wanted to let her know the latest and she simply listened.  Her ease in handling the situation calmed me.  Then she said the best thing I ever heard her say, "Do whatever you want. It's your wedding. Do whatever makes you happiest." She didn't question my motive. She didn't remind me of any moral to be learned. She was there for me.

As I took my vitamins this morning, all six of them out of the daily pill dispenser, this post started writing itself in my head.  Not only have I started to become my mother, but I found that beautiful balance in our relationship.

Me. Vitamins. Silly face.

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  1. My relationship with my mother blossomed after my engagement.

  2. That is so sweet and there is nothing better then a lovely bond mother and daughter shares:) Kisses, sweetie

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  3. You're crazy. Or old. 6 vitamins a day? I have a hard enough time getting myself to take 1.

    But sweet story. Still waiting for my relationship with my mother to turn into something lovely.

  4. I know my relationship totally changed with my mom and I when I had my first baby. It was amazing how much I suddenly needed her! I wonder if it would have changed earlier if I'd had a real wedding... :)

    Also? I still don't take vitamins!

  5. I've pretty much always had a good relationship with my mom. But I am the oldest of her three children... It is interesting though, the way your relationship changes as you grow up! :)

  6. My relationship with my mom blossomed once I moved out of the house. We were not very nice to each other during my teenage years and I think we took each other for granted. Now that she lives 3 hours away I find that I miss her like crazy!

  7. First of all, your mom is a total Betty, for realz. So there are much worse things to be. And secondly, this is super sweet. I have a soft spot for Dad's, but your mom is awesome. And you *should* take vitamins (so should I... damnit...)

  8. I take a little credit for the vitamin dispenser. My Mom and I seem to do best when we are far apart and not talking too much. But it is good to know that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. Although my Sis didn't make me think so after planning her wedding.

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  10. very sweet, you're very lucky to have such a great relationship with your mom. I've gotten closer with my mom through this process as well.

  11. I'm still at that stage where I want my mom to tell me what I should do. Recently I actually heard the words, "Do whatever you want... Do whatever makes you happiest." From my mom when I was seeking her advice about the whole Au Pair in Europe vs Teaching in Asia thing, and it royally ticked me off to hear it.


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